Hold Me Tight
by Sue Johnson
This book is for couples and introduces Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT). EFCT is based on attachment theories that assert that our bond with our partner is similar to the bond between an infant and its caregiver. If that bond is threatened, we react. And depending on our emotional system we often react in ways that hurt instead of strengthen our attachment. Johnson believes looking at conflict in a relationship on the level of the attachment will help couples identify and work through core issues. It is a fascinating book and many couples have reported that this approach felt the most “right” or “true” to how their problems manifest in their relationship.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk
by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
This is the simplest guide for talking successfully with kids of all ages. Emphasis on respectful, positive communication. I have used this model while working with runaway youth at a crisis center, in an alternative middle school, and with children in my family. Regardless of age, people respond to the approach demonstrated in this book.
The Relationship Cure
by John M Gottman, PHD
This is an all a round great book on best practices in any loving relationships.
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
by John Gottman
To some parents this book’s message will seem obvious, but for others it will be a thankful introduction to how to address emotions. Mr. Rogers often said “feelings are mentionable and manageable,” but many parents were raised in an environment where anger, sadness, disappointment and other “negative” emotions were not allowed or acknowledged. This book is a solid guide on how to help your youth develop emotional intelligence (which has been shown to be a predictor of success in many different areas, including school and relationships). And don’t worry, acknowledging your youth’s emotions does not mean letting them have their way or that you need to change your expectations of them.
Get Out of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall
by Anthony E Wolf
This book has one of the best titles. Parents, you are not alone if you are struggling with the changing moods and attitudes of your teenager! I don’t agree with everything in this book, but it has good basic information on having a realistic approach with your teenager. (The Powell’s listing for this book has the right information, but the wrong reviews.)
The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, “Chronically Inflexible” Children
by Ross W Greene
This book is for parents who are struggling with difficult behaviors with their child, especially kids that struggle with flexibility. Its model has been adopted by Portland Department of Human Services as well as Portland Public Schools. The basic premise is that all children want to be good and do well. If they are not able to, they are missing various emotional and social skills. This book helps identify what skills they are missing and how to teach and model them for the youth.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
by John Gottman
Gottman is THE researcher on couples and this is the book about what he has learned over the years of intensely observing couples work through and negotiate issues. He writes in a very practical and straightforward style. And for those who like activities and practice he includes lots of ways to try out and think through his ideas with your partner.
